Listening Skills Better Learned Young

Have you ever had something tip toe past your taste buds so delicious that you gobbled it up like a prison inmate on cake day? Or how about a moment that was absolutely amazing you over thought it into a memory, fully ending what could have been enjoyed much longer if you just let it happen and shut up? We have all said things that we can never take back and swim in the sea of regret for longer than needed.

I have recently given up my need of controlling my brain and am allowing it to roam freely in the mind fields of others perceptions. My brain has diligently relied upon my education and experiences that have served me well these last 44 years. I am grateful for all that my brain has soaked up in this time.

Though recently in a semi sober state I was conversing quite freely with my boyfriend about various non- consequential topics when a memory popped up that had radically changed my life at the time it happened. I did one of those long awkward pauses that made Santiago think I was listening to him and was pondering his subject deeply. As I shook myself back to the present I had to explain to him that I had left his conversation before it started and was off in my own world. I don't think he appreciates when I do that.

When I was in 3rd grade my class took a field trip to the San Diego zoo. I am pretty sure it was a great day for me because on the bus ride home I was laughing with a group of boys and was feeling good about myself. The girl sitting next to me then said to me in a tone only girls use with other girls, "You are so weird. I don't like you." Even typing this now makes me shudder the same way it did when she said it.

My goodness that little vixen really did a number on me with that comment. I remember not allowing myself to cry until I was safely out of sight of all the other kids and in the safety of my mother. I am sure she said what I needed to hear, and most importantly what I know now, but just like I do with Santiago all the time, I probably wasn't listening to her but to my own brain.

I think up until the other day that comment has affected my whole approach to my social life. It seems so pathetic now but for the last 4 decades it has been a part of who I am. If I had only been able to understand at the time she probably didn't have fun that day or was jealous because I might have been laughing with a boy she liked that comment would not have affected me for so long.

As I recounted this tale to Santiago he began telling me of a similar situation in his life, I think, I was kind of listening.

I have decided as of last night to start listening and understanding where the perceptions of others are coming from and why they believe what they do. Maybe throw in some questions instead of just assuming my perception of what they are saying is gospel. My dear late Francis was constantly badgering me with, "The things people say come from their perspective and are not always about you." I wonder if he meant I wasn't a good listener and was selfish? I don't know, I rarely listened to him for long.

I checked out miss Jenny L. on Facebook and she is still pretty, seems happy and is doing alright for herself. Crap! I was hoping she was a large, greasy mess.